Love

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This is my Valentine, he is fluffy and handsome and I love him to pieces. I have decided to come back to the city for the weekend to spend some time in my own space, and hang with my orange love. I am nearing two weeks of sobriety, my anxiety medication is starting to kick in, and I am feeling good. For the first time in forever today I was able to look forward, I could see Spring, and I could picture myself happy again. In my yoga practice I felt the life falling back into me, I felt alive in my body and most importantly my spirit. Happy Love Day people! Don’t forget the most important kind of love, self love. 

yoga yoga yoga

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With the absence of my soothing vices, cigarettes, alcohol and pot, it is my doctors recommendation to develop new tools for stress relief, and happiness. As I mentioned before, picking up my yoga practice has been on my mind, and it seems the perfect time to do so. I’ve had a one hour class each morning for the last three days, and it has felt amazing. I prefer practising at home, and have been using this website, which I love! It feels so good to not only be clean from my vices, but to also be finding growth within myself with the start of a new yoga practice. I say new because even though I have done yoga for periods of time throughout my life, it feels more purposeful this time around. My Dad lent me a book on bringing your yoga practise to your everyday, I have had it for awhile, but it is the perfect read right now. The book is by Donna Farhi, and is called Bringing Yoga To Life, you can find it here. I love the concept behind setting an intention at the beginning of your time on the mat, and keeping it in mind though out your breathing, and your day even. Today my intention rang loud and clear, alone time! I so enjoy taking an hour to just be with myself, mind and body, no distractions, just chilling with me. I would love to be able to start waking up a tiny bit earlier every day, until I can have a daily morning practise to begin the day. One month challenge would be a good way to kickstart that.

Mint to be

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I have been drinking a lot of mint tea the last few days, so I thought I would look into some of the benefits of doing so. Might as well make myself feel good about newly developed habits:) For starters,  It is a classic go to in battling nausea, sinus problems, headaches and menstrual cramps. I am definitely throwing a few bags into my medicine bag!  Remember to breathe in the steam from your tea as you drink, as mint is popular in aromatherapy for its effectiveness in colds and headaches, not to mention its stress reliving aroma. Menthol is known to have an anti-spasmodic effect, like a muscle relaxant, providing tension relief in the stomach, great for anyone suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome. The refreshing taste of this tea is a great way to wake up the senses and stay alert. Perfect for the end of a long drive, studying, or to start the day with, (if you are not a coffee drinker like myself.) I personally enjoy it most after a meal, or mixing it with green tea and putting it on ice with lemon. I must admit this post makes me laugh, one week into my sober month challenge and I am blogging about tea, ha! Figures!

Visualization

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Before my Mum was diagnosed I lived in Toronto with my two best friends. Coming from a small town I have always loved the anonymity  of living in a big city, not to mention the food, culture and opportunities that also come with being a city dweller. We found out Mum had cancer two days before Christmas, and I moved home from Toronto within two weeks. It has been an amazing time living so close to my family again, we were all able to support each other through Mum’s journey, seeing each other every day, I got to live in an apartment with my two brothers, which was a hilarious time I will never forget. It is now just over three years later, mum died six months ago, and we are all slowly falling back into life. I have been in the process of making some changes in my life personally, and I have to say that the decision to be clean from pot and alcohol is really helping me think clearly. As I have said before, I wasn’t a heavy drinker by any means, and I totally encourage anyone reading this to challenge themselves to a month clean! I feel like without my vices, my thought process is complete, my thinking not as dramatic, so I am able to push through negative thoughts and come out on the other side. There are a lot of things in my life that have changed over these past three years, incredible growth, new relationships an even closer bond with my family, which I didn’t think was possible. But I miss so many things about my old life. There is this strong independent part of me that I left behind when I moved back home. I don’t know if it has to do with living in the city vs. the country, or living close to family and being more dependent. But there is so much I miss about that version of myself that is now three years behind me. Life flows and you think you know what path you are on, and then something like cancer jumps out in front of you, and everything changes. I want to be back on track. I haven’t yet done any research on visualization, but I already have an instinctual pull towards it. I want to blend the things I miss from my old life and the things I want from my present life. I miss reading in bed before falling asleep. I miss my love of grocery shopping. I miss wandering the city with a coffee in hand, feeling anonymous. I miss writing. I miss having my own personal space. I miss going to my favourite hole in the wall book store on Bloor St. I miss my social life, dinners with friends. I miss culture, food, music, smells of the city, changing from block to block. I miss doing yoga. I miss liking my job, and feeling excited to go to work. I miss giant parks. I miss feeling alive by just walking down the street. Can I bring all of these things into my life here? Is it the city I miss? I need to take the time to visualize doing all of these things within my life here and now, and see if they fit. A daunting task. I must say I am so grateful for this time I have to find my sanity. I can’t believe I can do so without a glass of red wine in hand. Miraculous!

YOGA

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Just found an excellent online yoga tutorial site called, doyogawithme.com. There were several videos to choose from organized by difficulty, style, length and instructor. I chose Reclaim Your Joy, Release Your Grief by Nicky Jones. It was a really nice beginner class, very gentle and perfect for easing back into a yoga practice. I loved the concept behind the class as well, keeping my grief in mind through the poses and releasing as much as I could with each breath. I highly recommend this website for anyones at home yoga practice. Also got a chance to break in my new mat:) 

nomad

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I have been quite the nomad in the last few weeks since taking some time away from my relationship. Staying with friends and family, mostly at my Dad’s home in the country. I am missing my home in the city, missing my cat and my bed, and my life really. I have always been a homebody, and this separation is really hard on me. I am starting to crave my own space again. I try to imagine starting over, a fresh start, living by myself, something I’ve never done. I feel like I am just on the brink of being able to make some choices, but I am still feeling this strange numbness, I’m stressed out, depressed, finding it hard to get excited about change. I saw my doctor yesterday which was great, she increased the dosage of my anxiety medication so that it will hopefully also have an effect on the depression as well. Ive never taken a medication like this before, but my doctor is sure it is necessary to get me back on my feet over these next couple of months. She was pleased with my choice to quit all of my self soothing vices, wine, pot and cigarettes, but she is advising me to start developing new tools to deal with life, and start feeling well again. Yoga and meditation is a priority, I happen to have the house to myself today so I plan to put aside an hour for practice. Any suggestions on yoga podcasts or you tube videos? I also plan on researching visualization, I think that might be something that would help me kickstart a change. Its time to find the tools, and start thinking about picking up the pieces, and building life back up again, after this crazy, crazy year.